first-printing-cards-DevOpsAgainstHumanity.csv

White Cards (noun or gerund - single word or phrase),Black Cards (direct question or fill-in-the-blank statement with one blank or two)
/var/log symlinked to /dev/null,...and then there was the time I found _____ on the root partition.
"10,000 Nagios alerts per second",140 characters is just enough to explain _____.
3-hour standups,_____ - the idiot's guide to _____ and _____.
A 2400 baud modem,_____ all the way down.
"A 3.5"" floppy disk",_____ as a service.
A 500-megabyte UDP packet,_____ dooms any project to epic failure.
A 75-tier architecture,_____ Driven Development.
A Cisco router with a flaky chip,"_____ is a feature, not a bug."
A CORBA service written in Ada which communicates using JSONx,_____ is for closers.
A cron job that reboots the server every 5 minutes,_____ is the new _____.
A custom kernel with Frontpage Extensions installed,_____ is weaponized privilege.
A customized .fvwmrc,_____ is webscale.
A former MENSA member,_____ or it didn't happen.
A Github Outage,_____ with one weird trick.
A global write lock,"_____, as one does."
A home-rolled systemd replacement,"_____, for some values of _____."
A JAR full of spaghetti,"_____, is that even HA?"
A mobile web 2.0 RIA,"_____, the only thing worse than recruiting spam."
A Null-modem cable,A sales rep just tried to pitch me on _____; I told them we already have _____.
A Piñata full of error messages,Accidental _____.
A proof that P=NP written in BASIC,"After _____ came up, the retrospective really went downhill."
A Scrum Master,All that we had to do to halve our response times was implement _____.
A self-aware PHP script,Amazon built a datacenter on the moon to lessen the risk of _____ causing problems.
A shared root password,Apple just patented _____.
A Snowflake server,Ask Me Anything about _____.
A squirrel with a taste for fiber,But Google is using _____ so we should too!
A turducken made entirely of bash scripts,Called on account of _____.
A Volker-Craig terminal,Chef convergence failed due to _____.
A WSDL from 2003,Continuous _____.
Agony-Driven Development,DevOps: Now with 100% more _____!
An angry badger with an electromagnet on its back,Did you know that we have _____ on pager rotation?
"An army of chaos monkeys, all carrying flamethrowers",Disrupting the established players in _____ via _____.
An epic caffeine bender,Doge _____.
An Exchange email loop,Employees must _____ before returning to work.
An untested restore process,Enterprise _____ in the cloud.
Apache 1.2 running as root,Enterprise-ready _____.
Apache Zookeeper on a 286,Epic yak-shave caused by _____.
Being acquired by Oracle,Etsy says we should _____ everything.
Brogrammers,"Every time someone brings up _____, I throw up a little in my mouth."
Bullshit.io,Facebook has acquired _____ for $10b and _____.
Business logic in PowerPoint slides,Free as in _____.
CAP Theorem,Glitter-bombed with _____.
Catastrophic Failure as a Service,"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such commit messages as _____ and _____."
Cloud 2.0,How even is _____ formed?
Cloud-based business strategy,I came up with an awesome regex that converts _____ to _____.
Command-line magic,I can haz _____.
Continuous Disintegration,I don't own any jeans skinny enough to wear to a _____ meetup.
Continuous integration,I ended up having to buy a replacement _____ on eBay.
Copypasta,I find Java to be way too much like _____.
COTS Shareware,I got paged at 3am because of _____.
Degraded performance in some AWS availability zones,I saw the best minds of my generation _____.
Developers,I think maybe I'll leave _____ off my resumé.
DevOps,"If _____ is the answer, you are asking the wrong question."
DevOps Days,"If we make this deadline, Management has promised us _____."
Digital Ocean,"If you're _____, you're gonna have a bad time."
done done,"In order to improve security, we're upgrading to _____."
Eating sushi with Andrew Clay Shafer,"In the next planning session, we'll cover _____ and _____."
Edward Snowden,It figures - an article about our _____ was posted just as we're pivoting to _____.
EFnet in the 90s,"It turns out that the button labeled ""Don't Push"" actually does _____."
Epoch time in milliseconds,It worked on my _____.
FileMaker Instant Web Publishing,It's dangerous to go alone; take _____.
fuckedcompany.com,It's like trying to herd _____.
Functional programming,"Last week, I created a Chef recipe for _____; this week, it's an entire cookbook for _____. Automation FTW!"
Git,Main benefits of automation: _____ and _____.
Golang,Management just told me I need to get certified in _____.
Growth hacking,Management said it's OK to deploy _____ at 5pm on Friday
Hacker News,"Marketing says we're leaders in the _____ space, but I think it's more accurate to say we specialize in _____."
Hand-crafted artisanal x86 assembly code,My eyes started bleeding when I opened the editor and saw _____.
Heartbleed,My Linkedin Endorsements include _____.
Hypervisors running hypervisors running hypervisors,My next blog post will be about how we used _____ to create _____.
IE6,My two most indispensable tools are _____ and _____.
Larry Ellison,No route to host: _____.
Leaky abstractions,Nobody ever got fired for buying _____.
LinkedIn,"Our app is like _____, but for _____."
Magic Smoke,Our competitive advantage is our _____.
Maven downloading the entire internet,Our entire app is geared towards providing _____.
Meritocracy,Our greatest achievement in the last year is _____.
MongoDB,Our production backups are stored using _____.
More buzzwords than you can shake a scrum at,Pour one out for _____.
Mutation of immutable data,Put some _____ on it
Netscape Navigator 3.2 support,Restoring from backups failed due to _____.
Node.js,RIAA is suing me for downloading _____.
NoOps,Robots are going to make _____ obsolete.
NoSQL,Root cause of the outage? _____.
NPM,Running Windows in production leads to _____.
NullPointerException: null,Security? We've got that! We use _____.
O'Reilly,"So, I was using Wireshark to check network traffic... Did you know we have _____ in production?"
OpenSSL,Sweet! I just found a Puppet module for _____!
Our Release Engineer,"The hardest problems in computer science are naming things, cache invalidation, and _____."
PagerDuty configured with a random number generator,"The Internet is for cat memes and _____,"
Pareto Inefficient Nash Equilibriums,The Internet of Things will be controlled by _____.
Parsing HTML with regex,The most stable part of our infrastructure? _____
Patent,The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is _____.
Perl 6,The production datacenter burned down because of _____.
Posting on Etsy's codeascraft blog,"The status console is green, but I can't access _____."
Private keys in /var/www,The two pillars of our Continuous Deployment pipeline are _____ and _____.
Python,"There was no good solution for _____, so we built our own."
Python datetime module,This account has exceeded the maximum number of _____.
Rebasing the entire fucking repo,This isn't going to be all unicorns and _____.
RecruiterFail,Time to schedule the postmortem for _____ .
Ruby,"To secure our next round of funding, Management says we need _____."
Running out of IPv4 addresses,Uber is on surge pricing because of _____.
Sadness as a Service,WARN: _____ has been deprecated.
Shift-Ctrl-F12-\,We don't need _____ - we have _____ !
Stack trace generator,We really need to open-source our _____.
Sysadmins,We replaced our _____ with _____.
Tech Recruiters,We run production _____ and _____.
The Cult of Mac,"When I hooked the 3D printer up to the Internet, it accidentally created _____."
The last remaining Multics server on Earth,"When I told Jez Humble about our _____, he actually cried."
The next Y2K,When I was a kid we didn't have _____.
The NSA,"When I write a book about my experiences, it'll be called ""_____, the good parts"""
The Sales & Marketing department,Who would have known that _____ could destroy an entire datacenter?
The Stanford of Canada,Will merge pull requests for _____.
The world's only fully-functional ROFLcopter,Wrap it with the _____ duct tape.
Thought leadership,xkcd.com just made a hilarious comic making fun of _____.
Twitter,"You know what our app needs? More _____, less _____."
Unicode errors,You should think of your servers like _____ and not like _____.
Unknown source in your stack trace,Zero-day _____.
uucp,
VisualBasic DLLs,
Waiting for console.aws.amazon.com...,
Web scale,
Windows XP,
Women in tech,
Write-only code,
Yet another package manager,
Zombie processes,